Throughout the week, there were moments (including the hours of immeasurable fun) where people would ask, "How does it feel? How does it feel to be graduating, trent?" And honestly, I couldn't answer that question so easily. There a lot of things that I could have said with no hesitation. Like: "It feels regular," or "I feel relieved," or even "It feels like a new start." All of those things were what initially came to mind when people would ask. But, I just didn't feel as though that was a good enough answer.
I thought about it, not hard, but i did. Because I know what the feeling is, I just don't know how to word it exactly. And it's funny because usually I'm pretty articulate with the way I feel. But it's hard to just articulate a feeling you've never ever felt before.
This is the gist of it:
My graduation was long, I fell asleep, and at the end I tossed my hat up in the air (like a dickhead) and it landed somewhere in the back of the auditorium never to return. Bill Cosby spoke there, and said some real shit too. He talked about individuality; Like fuck 268....or '09, it's not about that anymore. It's about who you are. I agreed with him 100%. Matter fact, I've agreed with that principal all my life. But none of that had anything to do with the realization i've come to make.
As a surprise, a friend of mine came to see me graduate from VA. She stayed with me and my family for like 3 days. (It was a pleasant surprise, just thought I'd say thank you to Kendra for that...Both of yall ;]) She helped me realize a lot. Romantically, Philosophically, and Spiritually as well. She never really dropped any jewels on me on purpose, but just observing her way of thinking, and listening to what her life's like taught me how shit is entirely different after High School.
...Entirely.
Just this week, everything that was important to me before switched roles to the things that weren't so important to me. My "fuck the world" mentality seemed to completely vanish (snap your fingers) that quick. At my Grad party, which was only expected to be a small gathering, turned out to be like the happiest day of my life. A big portion of my family showed up, almost none of them empty handed. A couple old elementary school friends showed up. Some brand new friends, and a couple best friends. (Most of my closest friends couldn't make it. lol How ironic.) I didn't do much but eat and clean up after my guests and my own clumsy ass. But just watching everyone that I love together, having an exceptionally good time for the sake of my first big accomplishment made me happy.
It's unsettling to say happy because i feel as though it's an understatement. But, I did feel happiness, just an entirely new type of happiness that i've never felt before. But nonetheless, it feels great though. I'm ready to finally dwell in a much larger world that doesn't revolve around me.
=)
No comments:
Post a Comment